As you know I love SONdays and have spent much of the weekend with my family, finishing up some layouts that I had started and reading wonderful blogs. I love the path God had me on this weekend and am smiling at how much He loves all of us. This morning after reading more of Teresa Collin's blog, she had a link to Melody Ross' blog, WOW, she is BRAVE and honestly it is refreshing to find women like her that you can totally relate too. To know there is HOPE and a flock of birds with broken and mended wings gives me a sense of not feeling like I am alone. Aren't there days when you feel like you are the only one feeling what you are feeling or going through? You can read more about her and her passion for keepin it real and giving a voice to what so many women feel here:
Her post back from 2009 really describes how I have felt over the last 12 months and throughout much of 2009. I am so looking forward to life turning around this year. Check out her retreats she has 4 times a year. I would so love to attend one of her retreats, God knows I could use it. I continue to pray and be faithful for what God has in store for me. I so agree with Melody that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we turn to God completely and also as in her case, to have to depend on others to survive literally. I have been in that same boat over the last year and I hated to ask for help because I have always been the one to extend help. My pride was hurt, yes my pride was thrown out the window several times. When I was at my lowest point it still wasn't like after 9/11 and the feelings I had back then. Between being a new mom back then and feeling overwhelmed there were many days when I thought some very ugly things. I remind myself often that I am human and as much as I hate showing my feelings they are still there bigger than ever. This time around, if not for the help of family, a few friends (not the ones that I thought would be here for me/us) and my church, I am not sure what we would have done or where we would be at today. I mean like living, eating and basically just getting through each day. It is hard to put into words all the emotions I have felt this past year and this WINTER I have endured but I am thankful for the assistance and help we received. I know nothing happens by chance but it has often made my wonder why now and how could this happen again. What am I supposed to learn from all of these struggles and challenges? I now believe it is time for me to walk away from the business I have known for the past 15 years and that there is another journey to embark on in 2010. I couldn't put into words how I have been feeling until I read this post about having broken wings. I am not borken spiritually but the load has been heavy and some days unbearable especially when you have children depending on you for the basic necessities. There has been no time to stop and feel sorry for myself even though there have been many days when I wished life would pass me by. Mentally I have been worn out and still find myself there many days as I have mentioned before. Being a single parent comes with a price but I wouldn't change anything for the wonderful blessing of being a mom. That has been the greatest gift and I cherish that dearly. That is probably the one thing that gets me up and going and keeps me going when I want to quit along with the answered prayrs from our Heavenly Father. And even though I know I am not where I need to be today, I am continuing to explore all my options and will do what I have to in the meantime to put food on the table and provide for my family. I know this too is only a season and that spring is around the corner. Until that time comes, I will dream, seek and pray for those answers. I am determined to continue this quest to soar again and higher and with more JOY than ever. Did I mention how excited I am about what is to come and the NEW life I am meant to be living and sharing. I will also strive to do all I can to make the lives of others better and to SERVE, showing God's love even in these times of uncertainty.
I hope you will take time to enjoy your day with your family and remember to enjoy the simple things in life with those you love. Remember it is not about how much money you make or how big your house is that matters to your children but the time they get to spend with you. Also remember that you can find blessings when you look for them. It is amazing what you can do to find happiness and laughter if you really want to with the right mindset. **Remember that starting over can be a good thing and that God has great things in store for all of us even if we can't see what that is, never give up!!
I WILL SOAR AGAIN IN 2010 WITH NEW WINGS!!!
Diana aka BIT